I was very depressed yesterday. I saw this girl from my primary school that i got on with really well and i just couldn't remember her name.... Sinead, i think it was.... and by the time I remembered it, she had just walked out of the door.... I'll probably see her next time....

With any luck I won't have to see dad this weekend... well, if I don't get a call from him before 12:30. If i don't then i'm gonna go to fat surfer. But even then, I dunno how i'm getting there, when i'm getting there, how i'm getting home and when i'm getting home.

It didn't mean anything.....Did it?
Do I want the answer? Well i'd like it. Do I need the answer? It'd help me out. And I know what some people will be thinking about when i'm writing this... well, to be honest, there are four things that you could think i mean. One of them's true, but it's not what you think.

I'd like to think that sometimes i'm like that, you know, more than meets the eyes. I'd like to think that one day someone somewhere will look past what everyone else thinks about me, and actually ask me what i'm like, or even, you know, actually like me. Because, to be quite honest, i'm getting pissed off of people lying to my face and then saying things to other people behind my back. Tell me to my fucking face already! I don't care what you say, as long as you say it to my face. It takes courage to say something to someones face, and i think that if someone's gonna say something shitty about someone else they should either get up and tell them or shut up and keep out. It takes more balls to tell someone face to face that they're dumped, then to try and fob it off onto someone else and cause them pain just so you don't see the reaction. Well, i've got news for you, there was no reaction. And that friend that you got to tell me, she reacted more than me! I can think of at least three people that i considered some of my best frieds that lied to me and then said other stuff to other people about me behind my back. That's cowardly. Yeah i'll still get on with you, but you need to remember that I know you have said things about me. I know all of what you say about me and to be truthful, i'd rather you told me then told someone else, and make them dislike you, because you never know, you could say something shitty about someone to someone else and then that someone else will hate you, because they might actually stick up for me. Just a thought. So basically, all i'm trying to say is:
IF YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, SAY IT TO ME AND THEN SEE MY REACTION, BECAUSE WHEN YOU DON'T TELL ME, AS MANY PEOPLE HAVE, YOU GET THIS REACTION. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK IT'D HURT ME, TELL ME! AT LEAST I WILL KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME SO I CAN EITHER CHANGE OR GIVE EVERYONE THE ONE-FINGER SALUTE! LOOK PAST WHAT YOU KNOWOR THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT ME AND TELL ME, BECAUSE I CAN ASSURE YOU THERE'S MORE TO ME THAN YOU THINK!

No one likes getting lied to, least of all me becuse i've been fucked about so many times...

To all my good mates out there. Thanks for sticking by me. Thanks for supporting me. Thanks for not lying to me. Thanks for not being back-stabbers. Thanks for all of those who, when i'm upset or depressed, ask me, 'Are you ok?'. Thanks for laughing with me when i'm happy. I know this all sounds cliched and stuff, but thanks. Without the help of my mates, I wouldn't know about people lying to me. So thank you.

Farmboy